Ye May Know the Truth of All Things

I was recently the victim of the nicest vandalism in recorded history.

The time: 10:30 PM, the night before Halloween.

The place: Orem, Utah; just outside a McDonald's near a Walmart.

The plan: Park close to said McDonald's to improve my wireless internet connection, allowing me to watch the end of a Phoenix Suns basketball game.

The suspects: Three college-aged Mormon kids.

As Shaquille O'Neal misses a fourth quarter free throw, I hear the suspects outside my van, chatting eagerly and reading the signatures prominently displayed on its exterior. This usually happens two or three times a day, and I generally ignore it, but the Suns are losing and I need a distraction, so I open the side door and introduce myself.

It turns out that all three van admirers are exceptionally nice. None of them go to school, but one of the guys, Tyler, works at the nearby college. The other guy, I suck with names, works in real estate and the girl, Kyla, asks me to guess her profession using the following signature as a hint:


Hmmm...Truck driver? No, too obvious. Grave digger? Still too on the nose.

"You," I respond with certainty, "are a preschool teacher."

"Oh my gosh! That's amazing. You're right."

Eat your heart out, Encyclopedia Brown.

The three of us discuss the meaning of life, the virtues of Montrose, Colorado (apparently a must-visit), and the details of my trip so far. I regale the trio with tales of my travels and, despite my tendency to use words like "regale," they listen intently. After awhile, even I get tired of hearing my own voice, so I say goodnight.

Having missed the end of the Suns game, and having no need for a good internet signal, I move the van closer to the Walmart and drift off to sleep.

I awake to more voices outside the van. Glancing at my cell phone, I notice that it is nearly two in the morning. I step out of the van groggily to find Kyla and Tyler dutifully coloring pictures along the sides of Martin "Van" Buren. They have also brought along another friend, Rena, who has written the equivalent of a book near the rear passenger's side wheel.

"Hey," says Kyla, "sorry to wake you. We wanted to add color to your van."

Though I'm not a huge fan of waking up at two in the morning to find people drawing on the van, it's pretty hard to get mad at a Mormon preschool teacher who just drew a picture of a smurf. And I must admit, the pictures are pretty cool; most of them relate to the stories that I shared with them, almost like advanced hieroglyphics telling the tale of Project Meaning.







There's the picture of my home away from home.










The Canadian Neoist creating slightly disturbing performance art.









The creepy Burning Man attendee who wrote less upbeat expressions on my van a few months before.











And, of course, the friendly Mormon interpretation of the "Vomit" graffiti.






To cap it off, Kyla and Tyler have placed a Book of Mormon, complete with personal messages, under my windshield wiper. The bookmark inside offers the following:

"What is the purpose of life?

What is the true nature of God?

Can families be together forever?

Where do we go after this life?

Answers to these and other eternally significant questions can be found by visiting

www.mormon.org"

Not only have I just plugged a website that seems to be offering direct competition to the services I am trying to provide at projectmeaning.com, but it turns out that they actually profess to have definitive answers to the questions and, you know, a whole religion to back it up.

I can't form a whole religion on my own on such short notice, but in order to stay competitive, I will now definitively answer the questions posed on the bookmark.

Saved by the Bell reruns.

Nostalgic.

Sure.

A small diner just outside Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Answers are in no particular order.

In all seriousness, Tyler and Kyla (pictured below with Rena in the middle) wrote very considerate and measured notes in an attempt to share their perspectives with me.


Both feel that the Book of Mormon and its teachings have helped them to better understand and appreciate their purpose in life. If you ever feel compelled to read the book (and I now have a copy if you need to borrow it), the passages they recommend in particular are Alma chapter 32, 3 Nephi 11, and Moroni 10: 3-5.

In his message, Tyler singles out the Moroni portion.

"Near the end of this book is a promise (Moroni 10:4). Test out the promise and you will never regret it."

I flip to the end of the book and see that Kyla has highlighted the passage. At least, I assume Kyla did the highlighting; Tim doesn't seem like the type who would draw little hearts in the margins.

It reads:

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall think with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."