I Get Blogged Up

The past 48 hours have not been the easiest of my life. They have contained more stress than sleep, more pain than pleasure, and more heartache than happiness.

Unfortunately, due to a world wide web time-space continuum (too complicated to explain, but consider Back to the Future Part III if you need a reference point) my current existence and my blog life run two weeks apart. Essentially, the experiences you read about here generally have happened a couple of weeks ago.

So sometimes I find myself writing about pleasant things like sunshine, skittles, and the cancellation of "According to Jim" when my mind is focused on unpleasant matters like the Apocalypse, Charleston Chew, and the cancellation of "Arrested Development."

In other words, I am too mentally and physically exhausted tonight to write a blog at the level of quality I'd like to maintain on this site (and yes, I am conveniently ignoring the fact that my last post had three gratuitous Hannah Montana jokes) but unable to properly explain why without compromising the world wide web time continuum.

But I didn't want to leave you, my loyal reader/person who stumbled upon this site after searching for "Chuck Norris Summer Camp for Hot Asian Cheerleaders and Teenage Vampires" on google news, without a blog two days in a row.

So I figured I'd exploit the world wide web time-space continuum (which can be better understood by researching the string theory best explained by Dr. Sam Beckett in various episodes of "Quantum Leap") by giving you a heads up on what you can expect from this blog in the coming days.

Topics to be covered in the near future include but are not limited to:

+ Tim from Walmart, a man facing far more serious issues than "not feeling up to blogging tonight."

+ A visit to Sedona, the most beautiful place in America, and home of one of John McCain's 365 houses. (He has one for every day of the year, except of course for leap years; John McCain, incidentally, is notorious for having never blogged on February 29th.)

+ My day spent lecturing high school classes in my hometown of Glendale, Arizona. Highlights of my talk include "Be cool. Stay in school," "Drugs are bad," and the ever popular "Hey Kid, can you spare a couple bucks for gas money? I'm really hurting here."

+ The Thing.

+ A day trip to Timberon, New Mexico, home of the world's tiniest apartments, friendliest people, and most cavalier oryx.

+ A ride-along with the city of Phoenix's crisis response unit, where I may or may not have caused a brush fire that destroyed the Phoenix greater metropolitan area, leading to me feeling "less than bloggish" this weekend.

That's what we in the blogging business like to to call "a cliffhanger of Stallone sized proportions."

As always, you're welcome.

Unless you're not.