Barack Obama and Hannah Montana Audition for American Idol

Have you ever been so compelled to tell a story that you feel it must be the work of divine intervention?

I woke up this morning from a dream so vivid, so unimaginably imaginative, that I immediately ran to the nearest mirror and whispered seductively into it, "I must write you."

This story will be my legacy. It will move mountains and flood oceans. Don't be shocked if, while reading the third sentence, time literally stands still.

I don't mean to oversell the story, but I now know what Moses must have felt like when God approached him with the Ten Commandments.

So without further ado, I present my masterpiece:

It was the day after Thanksgiving, also known as Black Friday, and the approaching Twilight reflected perfectly off of Miley Cyrus' Beyonce poster. Miley was in a good mood, because she knew that everyone had forgotten all about her scandalous nearly nude pictures that were posted all over myspace, facebook, and TMZ.com.

After all, she was a respectable Sarah Palin supporter who rejected the notion of global warming, supported capitalism by purchasing an i-phone and a wii fit, and always made sure to keep up with important news like the Southern California Wildfires.

She was nothing like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Nobody would ever see pictures of Hannah Montana nude. They might see pictures of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears with no underwear on. They might even see pictures of a naked Megan Fox making out with Jessica Alba, but she couldn't concern herself with such trivial matters as UFC 92, the recent trades by the New York Knicks, and this week's NFL betting lines.

No. She had an American Idol audition to go to. But first, she needed to call and console her best friend, Barack Obama. Obama was so busy appointing Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State that he forgot to appear as a guest judge on Dancing With the Stars.

Unfortunately, Barack was also too busy to answer his brand new Blackberry Storm because he was attending the annual Chuck Norris Summer Camp for Hot Asian Cheerleaders and Teenage Vampires.

If Barack Obama had a Quantum of Solace, he would have torn himself away from Youtube and Wikipedia long enough to answer the phone, but he was too enthralled with watching High School Musical 3 in preparation for his own American Idol audition.

"Simon Cowell is going to love this," squealed Obama, as his newfound friend, John McCain, belted out his famous rendition of Taylor Swift's "Fearless."

McCain paused to reflect, then responded thoughtfully, "Free porn, Barack Obama. Free porn."

Now if that doesn't win me the Nobel Prize in Literature, I don't know what will.

On an unrelated note, I'm trying to drive more traffic to this blog. I'd really appreciate any suggestions of keywords that might show up often in google searches.