This edition's game was created out of a love for sports. As a huge sports fan, I'm tired of seeing athletes unfairly portrayed by the media simply because those athletes happen to think they're above the law.
So a disproportionate amount of athletes happen to be guilty of cheating (on their spouses and with steroids), irrationally violent behavior (towards their spouses, because of steroids), and murder (of their spouses...you get the point).
Why does that always have to be a negative? Condemning star athletes for their intolerable actions clearly isn't working, so why not just embrace their bad behavior? Instead of ruining Sportscenter with hour long exposes on the latest scandal sports fans could care less about, let's just make an enjoyable game out of it.
Remember that game "Six Degrees of Separation?" It thrived off of the theory that, because Kevin Bacon starred in so many films, you could connect any actor in Hollywood to a movie Bacon was in using six steps or less. Even Carrot Top.
You know, Carrot Top was in the epic Dennis the Menace Strikes Again! which also featured
(1) Betty White, who also graced the cast of Bringing Down the House, a vehicle for Steve Martin and
(2) Queen Latifah, who also stars in Beauty Shop, which features
(3) Mr. Footloose himself, Kevin Bacon.
That's Carrot Top to Kevin Bacon in just three steps.
What could be easier?
Well, what if we replaced "Hollywood actors" with "professional athletes" and "Kevin Bacon" with "DUIs?"
We would have my new game: "Six Degrees to Incarceration."
Let's be honest, you could easily replace "DUI" with "rape allegation," "domestic violence charge" or (if you make it an "athletes named Ronaldo" version) "transvestite/orgy hooker related incident" and not miss a beat.
But for simplicity's sake, I'm willing to anoint athlete DUIs as the next Kevin Bacon. I'll let you do your own, but here's a few media darlings to get you started:
Star Quarterback/ Successful Product Spokesman Peyton Manning:
Currently hands the football off to Dominic Rhodes, who was charged with a DUI in 2007.
One Degree.
Star Quarterback/ Golden Boy/ Supermodel Dater Tom Brady:
Played with star safety Lawyer Milloy until 2003. Milloy was arrested for a DUI last year.
One Degree.
Of course, Brady rose to prominence by beating the St. Louis Rams in Superbowl 36. The Rams star defensive end, Leonard Little, pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter in 1998 when his drunk driving led to a woman's death. Six years later, he was pulled over for going 78 in a 55 zone, then proceeded to fail three roadside sobriety tests after police noted that he smelled like alcohol. He was given a misdemeanor for speeding and continues to play for the Rams to this day.
NBA Legend/ Star of Space Jam Michael Jordan:
Jordan played in the 1992 Olympics on "The Dream Team." You know who else was on that roster? Charles Barkley, who barely missed an extreme DUI (.149) earlier this year.
One Degree.
Okay, so football and basketball are too easy. I'm willing to go out on a limb and say hockey, baseball, and mixed martial arts aren't much tougher. But how about something less testosterone induced...like figure skating.
Star Figure Skater/ America's Sweetheart/ Person Least Likely to send Tonya Harding a Christmas card Nancy Kerrigan:
Of course, we all know the story of Tonya Harding's calculated attack on Kerrigan's knee, and then Nancy's courageous return to the 1994 Olympics where she missed the gold by a mere fraction of a point.
What you might not remember is who beat her out for the gold. The answer? Pint-sized Ukranian Oksana Baiul, who incidentally was charged with a DUI three years later in Connecticut after crashing her car into a tree.
One degree.
Oh yeah, and Harding also has a DUI on her record. But that's so easy it feels like cheating.
Actually, I'm thinking about changing the game to "One Degree to Incarceration."
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