Don't Be Alarmed

I think my van and I just had an argument.

I just got finished playing basketball and headed out to the van so I could transition to Walmart for the night. As I approached the van, I clicked the keyless entry button to unlock it.

Nothing.

So I try again. Still nothing.

No big deal. It's a 1992 GMC Vandura. Asking it not to break down is like asking Mike Tyson not to get a tattoo on his face or asking David Spade not to impregnate playmates. No matter what you do, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

Resigned to the idea that the keyless entry stopped working, I grabbed the key to open the driver's side door the old fashion way. Only the second I unlocked it, the alarm went off.

I've already discussed my disdain for car alarms on this blog, but what I neglected to mention is that certain car alarms are particularly annoying. My van's alarm indisputably fits into this category. If there were a school for car alarms, my van's alarm would be the alarm that sits alone at lunch because all of the other alarms think he's too annoying, loud, and long-winded.

I've never known this about the alarm before, because everytime it goes off, I merely click the keyless entry to turn it off. This time, with the keyless entry not working, I searched fruitlessly for some way, any way, to turn it off. Nothing worked.

So for over three minutes I sat in dismay as my van made annoying sound after annoying sound. The creativity behind its obnoxiousness was astounding. About two minutes in, I started to fear it was one of those novelty alarms and would start yelling "Step the F away from the car. I repeat, back the F away from the car."

Mercifully, the alarm eventually stopped, and the keyless entry soon started working again too. Hopefully, it stays that way. When you sleep in your van, it's important to be inconspicuous, and there's nothing more conspicuous than an autograph-laden van that won't shut up.