Rutherford B. Hayes Didn't Have the Same Ring to It

After a world-wide vote that rivaled the voting turnout of American Idol (you have no proof that it didn't), a winner has emerged for the name of my 1992 GMC Vandura/ apartment.

It was a very close race and "Hydranoid" and "Pam Vanderson" put up strong efforts. Thank you very much for your suggestions, Matthew and Dan. However, just edging those out was the winner, and new name for the projectmeaning.com van...

Martin "Van" Buren.

There are several reasons why I am excited about this name. So many, in fact, that I will present the top 11 reasons (take that, Letterman!) why Martin "Van" Buren is an excellent name for my lovely home:





1. Martin Van Buren, though a forgettable president, had an amazing hairstyle. It feels good to be able to honor that.

2. It's a much better choice than his successor, William Henry Harrison, because Harrison died thirty days after taking office. That would be asking for a breakdown, no matter how much I wanted to use the slogan, "Tippecanoe and GMC too."


3. It's easy to shorten it to Martin, which honors Martin Sheen (a televison president), Martin Short, and the tragically forgotten hit sitcom featuring Martin Lawrence and the brilliant Sheneneh...come to think of it...she looked a lot like Lawrence.


4. Sticking with the television theme...Seinfeld once mentioned a gang called the Van Buren Boys, a rough tough street gang that was named after Martin Van Buren and "just as mean as he was." So it gives me, you know, street cred.


5. If "Martin" gets old as a moniker, I can refer to the van as "MVB," which sounds very important.


6. The "Van" part is meant to be used as a pun. Get it? Very clever, if I do say so myself.


7. According to Wikipedia (which is of course 100% accurate), Van Buren's presidency was "largely characterized by the economic hardship of his time, the Panic of 1837." So yeah, that makes the name politically and socially relevant for our current times.


8. The name was originally suggested by my friend Derek, who is currently in medical school. The man's about to be a doctor. If people are going to entrust him with their health, it should be pretty safe to entrust him with not screwing up my van's name.


9. If the name doesn't work out, I can blame it all on Derek. Here's hoping that judges take a liberal interpretation of the term "malpractice."



10. Van Buren is a busy street in downtown Phoenix. It is best known as a popular hangout for prostitutes. Just thought you should know.

11. When the van breaks down (which will likely happen at least twenty times in the upcoming year), I can loudly exclaim, "Damn you, Martin 'Van' Buren!"