Pardon Their French

Sorry for missing yesterday’s blog. In Canada, I rely on public libraries for the internet. I spent the better part of yesterday driving, and by the time I got to an area with libraries, they were all closed.

Tomorrow is Canadian Thanksgiving, which means all libraries will be closed the entire day; so no blog tomorrow, unfortunately. However, in the next week you can look forward to blogs on Vancouver, Calgary, the Canadian Rockies, and the hitchhiker I drove to Kamloops. Of course, each blog will come equipped with pictures and sarcastic witticisms.

In the meantime, I will share a few more insights into Canada:

+ Canadian pronunciations are crazy. It’s bean really hard…I mean "been" really hard to keep a straight face.

+ Things are spelled differently too. Words ending in “er” generally end in “re” and the European “u” keeps showing up. This sign should have brought back some memories of my time doing day labor in Vegas. Instead, it made me think of the Queen.

+ It’s really cold here. I figured you knew that already, but you can’t fully appreciate it until you’re here. All I’m saying is keep an eye out for Canadians doing suspicious activities to harm the environment. Global Warming clearly would be an upgrade here.

+ How hard is it to get a stoplight right? First, I have to deal with flashing green lights, and now the traffic signs are sideways? This is unacceptable. However, I forgive Canada because they have a tabloid magazine, much like The Enquirer, devoted to American gossip with a Canadian twist. So instead of the headline reading “Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds Have Secret Wedding!” it reads “Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds Have Secret Wedding…In Canada!” I find this to be beyond hilarious.

+ The country seems to be fairly evenly split between English and French culture. For instance, most products are labeled in both languages, there are several French radio stations, and half of the women don’t shave their arm pits. Okay, I’m guessing on that last one, but I don’t have proof that it’s not true.

Even the upcoming election is split down the middle. The Conservative candidate, Stephen Harper, could easily pass for American, while the Liberal candidate, Stephane Dion, is as French as they come. The most recent controversy came when Dion was asked about his plan for the recent financial crisis and could not answer promptly. His excuse was that there was an English translation issue and he did not understand the question.

Upon hearing this, George W. Bush quickly responded, “Wait…You can do that?” and immediately requested that all media questions for the rest of his term be submitted in Spanish.