To Boldly Go Where Many Have Gone Before

Ultimately, the goal of this blog, project, and eventual resulting book (look for it in participating stores whenever stores start deciding to participate) is to find the meaning of life.

Obviously, my method to attack that goal is not always conventional nor is it consistent, partially because I'm a big fan of variety, partially because I think meaning is often found in unexpected places, and partially because sometimes I just like to write something fun for the Hell of it. So, in the spirit of switching this blog up every once in a while, I am introducing a new running theme..."Top Eleven Lists."

One of my favorite books growing up was a compilation of "Top Ten Lists" from David Letterman's show. It provided me hours of entertainment and proved to be far more entertaining than Jay Leno's compilation book, "1001 Mildly Humorous and Delightfully Inoffensive Topical Jokes."

Had I taken to Leno, you'd have to poise yourself for a query regarding the current temperature outside. Fortunately, I preferred Letterman, so instead you can sit back and enjoy the first installment of Project Meaning's "Top Eleven List." Incidentally, I make the lists go to eleven instead of ten in honor of a) avoiding copyright infringement, b) my overwhelming urge to go above and beyond for the millions and millions of people who read this blog and c) my favorite scene from This is Spinal Tap.

So without further ado, I bring you The Top Eleven Signs That Star Trek is Cool Again:


11. Women start showing up to the conventions.

Notice the "e" in women.

10. Burger King does commercials involving their creepy mascot, an alien race from the series, and an inexcusably bad pun. People continue to eat Whoppers anyway.

9. Scientology is outdone by a new religion citing Gene Roddenberry as their Lord and Savior. None of the founding members are given wedgies by the Catholics.

8. Somewhere in rural Indiana, a man effectively utilizes his Star Trek memorabilia collection to get laid.

7. Two words: Shatner. Fever.

6. Barack Obama starts ending his speeches with the "live long and prosper" hand sign. It soon becomes synonymous with "hope."

5. The Bloods and the Crypts are overtaken by a new street gang calling themselves "The Borg." Using an eerily interconnected approach, they recruit a staggering amount of disenfranchised albinos and lead them into a life of violent crime. Resistance to the gang's tactics is, of course, futile.

4. In high schools across America, the Klingon language is used to mock the less popular kids.

3. Teenage girls tear down their posters of Zac Efron, the Jonas Brothers, and the Twilight vampire and replace them with calendars of Leonard Nimoy in provocative poses.

2. In honor of Spock, cold calculated logic becomes a hip new trend, immediately rendering Snuggies, Chicago Cubs fans, and Fergie's singing career obsolete.

And the number one sign that Star Trek is cool again...

1. Trekkie groupies.



If you enjoyed this list, feel free to send me suggestions for future lists. If you didn't enjoy this list, please refrain from suggesting "The Top Eleven Reasons Why Lists Are Gay," "The Top Eleven Reasons Why Your Blog is Gay," and "The Top Eleven Reasons Why You Suck."