My Neck Remains Soft

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

You can quote me on that. In fact, someone ought to write a book about that.

I really do want to work on an oil rig. Unfortunately, the more research I do, the less likely a possibility that seems. I buy a subscription to a web site advertising oil job listings for both experienced oil workers and entry level applicants. Unfortunately, it soon becomes clear that the site will be about as effective in getting a job in the oil industry as Monster.com or Craigslist.

Even more disconcerting are the message boards I come across. Apparently, I am not the only one with the brilliant idea of becoming on oil rig grunt. Plenty of aspiring grunts post frequently on various boards asking the best way to get work. In each thread, the response is similar: There is no work to be had, and if there were, you would almost certainly need rock solid connections in the industry to gain you favor.

Actually, most threads devolve quite quickly from advice into an impromptu search for jobs. The message boards are littered with guys who have years, sometimes even decades, of experience working on oil rigs who just got laid off from one rig and are desperately looking for another to no avail.

The economy has not helped my cause. The oil site I joined claims that the number of people seeking jobs on oil rigs is not enough to keep up with the demand, but this is clearly written a while ago. All other research indicates that while demand for workers in a struggling oil market goes down, the supply is increasing.

The life of a roughneck is difficult and the work taxing. If American Idol is to be believed (and it is not the type of show to utilize hyperbole and propaganda, in the same way that I'm not the type of writer to use sarcasm and pop-culture references) then oil rig roughnecks have the fifth most dangerous job in the world.

Before an economic crisis, that's enough to keep most people away, but roughnecks also make over twenty dollars an hour. In this climate, that makes it a hard job to come by, and with my savings dwindling by the minute, it looks like I might not have the luxury of pursuing an in-demand job.

So when I get to Houston, I cancel my subscription to the oil site, and pull up Monster.com instead.

Time to make some even better laid plans.




Editor's Note: For those interested, the four jobs considered more dangerous than roughneck on an oil rig are as follows:

4. P. Diddy's Personal Assistant.

3. Customer Complaint Rep for Time Warner Cable.

2. CEO for an American Automobile Manufacturer.

1. Professional Shark Humper.

Cue NBC's "The More You Know" graphic, and I'm out.