Super Exciting Amazing Internet Time Waster

I'm unveiling a new type of blog today, one that I'm certain will change the face of the internet as you know it. This is the first in a series I like to call "Super Exciting Amazing Internet Time Wasters."

I will be constructing little games designed to pass the time. These are for those days when you're sitting in your cubicle with nothing to distract you from the overwhelming certainty that you hate your job. Because, let's face it, you can only play so much minesweeper before you want to fall on a mine yourself.

As a writer, I have a slightly unhealthy appreciation for words and phrases, and I love coming up with a poetic turn of words that blends the rare combination of artistic flair, insight, and originality. This is generally a consideration when creating titles for these blogs.

So I developed a system to measure a phrase's AFIO rating.

Here's how it works:

For a given phrase, points are awarded on a scale of 1-10 for artistic flair (could it pass as a line from a Robert Frost poem, or does it sound like it came from an athlete's post game interview?) as well as insight (does it challenge common assertions or enforce wise principles, or does it work better as a theme for a reality tv show?). The best possible score is 20, while the worst score is 2. This part is admittedly subjective.

Now for the originality aspect. Take the phrase and enter it (in quotation marks) into a Google search. Take the number of entries found by Google and subtract that number from the score you got in the first part of the exercise and you have your AFIO rating. Entries to your own work aren't included in this number.

So Paris Hilton's "That's hot" would score a 4 for artistic flair, a 1 for insight, and brings up 798,000 results on Google, giving it a dismal AFIO rating of -797,995.

I recently titled a blog "Optimism in the Face of Reality," a phrase I was rather fond of. I believe it deserves a 7 for artistic flair and an 8 for insight, and it brings up 332 results in Google for a respectable AFIO score of -317.

Anything higher than zero is considered a quality effort.

The AFIO Rating Hall of Fame (comprised entirely of projectmeaning.com blog titles) currently includes:

Title, AFIO Rating

Chicks Dig Venn Diagrams, 16

The Megalomaniac Always Gets the Girl, 15

My Soul Eats Alone, 14

Thoughts Over Laundry, 12

Extra Rules:

1. Any phrase over seven words in length is disqualified from consideration.

2. Any phrase that scores lower than a 4 on artistic flair and insight combined is automatically docked one million points. If you can come up with a five point phrase nobody has used before, then it's legit.

3. All words in the phrase must be found in the dictionary.

4. Under no circumstances may puns be used in an AFIO rated phrase. Use of a pun will result in disqualification and my personal disdain for you as a human being. I realize this makes me a hypocrite, but it is for the good of society.

If you find yourself bored, try out the AFIO rating game and see how high you can score. Send me some of your best at Logan@projectmeaning.com.

The readers that send in the three best phrases will receive a free subscription to my exciting new magazine entitled, This Magazine Does Not Exist Digest and my favorite phrase will be used as the title of an upcoming blog.

No phrase can do that prize package justice.