Sorry for the dearth of recent blogs. I know that virtually all of my millions and millions of readers rely on these blogs to keep them going through these difficult financial times. Unfortunately, I've had some extenuating circumstances that have prevented me from writing the past few days.
Fear not, for I am back. You know, until I'm not. Which might be the case for part of this week as well. It is the Holidays, after all.
Read this next sentence only if you're Christian:
I say "the Holidays" so as not to preclude any particular religion from the season's celebrations, but I'm pretty sure you all know what I really mean is Christmas.
Read this next sentence only if you're Jewish:
I say "the Holidays" so as not to preclude any particular religion from the season's celebrations, but I'm pretty sure you all know what I really mean is Hanukkah.
Read this next sentence only if you're African:
I say "the Holidays" so as not to preclude any particular group from the season's celebrations, but I'm pretty sure you all know what I really mean is Kwanzaa.
Okay, that should cover me with everyone except practicing atheists, Jehovah's Witnesses, and radical opponents of commercialization. And let's face it, they're not gonna be happy anyway.
Anyway, when I'm not playing white elephant with my family or drinking too much eggnog and waking up among complete strangers, I should be writing about the following:
+ My crisis response unit ride-along in Phoenix (which will come only after I get approval from the department to post it).
+ Why I called 911 in Los Angeles.
+ The time I met baby Jesus.
+ How having children changes your perspective on life.
+ Ten reasons why Tijuana is a bad place to do drugs, even though they're really easy to score there.
+ Why betting on a bowl game in Vegas is a bad idea.
+ Two run-ins with the cops in one day.
+ And, of course, how I got a tranny for Christmas.
Admit it. You missed me.
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