Why is it Not Called Burning Woman?

The Man is set to burn Saturday night. In an annual tradition, the organizers construct a giant artistic tower representing The Man and burn it to the ground. I am told this will be preceded by a celebration that can best be described as Cirque de Soleil on acid (err...on more acid?).

I am eager for the burn to take place, because by the time Saturday rolls around, I am absolutely exhausted. I never want to see any more dirt as long as I live. My plan is to capture some video footage, attend the burning, get some rest, and head out early in the morning.

Unfortunately, I am unable to capture any more footage because another heavy dust storm is pervading "the playa." The dust storm is not as bad as Monday, but most predictions are that it will get that way, and I certainly am not taking my video camera out in such conditions.

So instead I read. I tend to read more when I am unhappy or bored, and I've been reading a lot at Burning Man. Actually, I've gone through four books since I got here. But as I start a fifth, I come to a realization.

Nothing is keeping me here.

I can't get any more video footage. I'm too tired and annoyed to participate in anything, and I couldn't do much anyway with all the dust blowing around. I don't particularly want to see the burning for any reason than some odd sense of obligation, and even then there's a chance the dust storm will ruin that too.

So I leave. It takes a while getting out, but I save probably four or five hours of stop and go traffic by leaving early.

By the news reports I read, I made the right decision. It seems the dust storm just got worse, and many participants soon followed my lead in exiting early. One internet blog even goes so far as to call the dust storm God's way of smiting the heathens at Burning Man.

And I thought I was harsh.

In all fairness, I'm glad I went to Burning Man. It was an experience unlike any other I've had, and I'm always pleased to broaden my perspective. That said, I would never come back without bringing the following things:

+ Friends. Burning Man is not a good event to attend alone. Organizers and repeat visitors greet first-timers by saying "welcome home," but I never feel at home. Many people are friendly and inviting, and I hang out with a couple groups at different times throughout the week, but I did not find Burning Man participants to be any more friendly and welcoming than regular society. Part of that falls on me, but I doubt I am alone in my lack of social transcendence.

+ A Bicycle. Walking around "the playa" is a stupid idea. It leads to exhaustion, dehydration, and serious frustration. Burning Man supplies community bikes, but these are hard to find and, I can only assume, not incredibly hygienic.

+ Drugs. You know, so I can be more popular.

+ An Open Mind. I like to think I'm a pretty progressive guy, but I found Burning Man to be, for lack of a better term, annoying. There's something about the seemingly forced "individualism" of the event that struck me as cheap and inauthentic. The event was like a physical manifestation of the internet. It's nice to think that everyone be able to express themselves spiritually and artistically, but when absolutely everyone is sharing their artistic side, you get stuck with a lot of abysmal art, making it harder to find and appreciate the things that are truly inspired. If I were to attend the event again, I would need to focus more on the positive aspects of the celebration.

In the meantime...well...maybe I'll just find a way to stay away from hippies for a while. You know, like wearing more deodorant.

Hippies hate deodorant.