More Wisdom Than You Can Shake a Sharpie At

We're long overdue for a Sharpie Wisdom, and some of the older autographs are starting to fade. I'm pretty sure my van is relegated to a fate reserved for so many of today's teens and Generation Y-ers. It looks really cool now with its arm sleeves and tramp stamps, but as it gets older and its skin starts to sag, that arm sleeve is going to look gross and that tramp stamp will be nothing but a misshapen reminder of grandma's disturbingly promiscuous past.

But for right now, the Vandura is still in the sexy stage, so let's get to some signatures.

Wilbert continues the list of fascinating people I've met on this journey who happen to live in their cars. Wilbert needed a jump one morning in a Walmart parking lot, and I happened to be there equipped with jumper cables. In exchange, Wilbert gave me business tips, some of which you'll be privy to when I write more about this experience in my highly anticipated jumper-cable-themed blog.

This sounds like fantastic advice at first, but if you read it enough times, it starts to sound like an excuse developed by the paparazzi to justify their being in the room for Britney Spears' next colonoscopy.








This is the autograph of one of my hide-and-seek rivals. I think its pretty creative for a five-year-old. I could have done better though.








I was happy to let my other hide-and-seek nemesis, Lauren, sign as well, until I realized she hadn't learned to write yet. This is just part of what she drew over other people's signatures. Still, it manages to look both dignified and mature next to the pen island.com joke.

File this under "people who signed the van without my knowing." Not sure what this means, but my primary theories are as follows:

1. Obese is a rapper who lives in Dallas and is using my van for promotion. I like to imagine he's an anorexic rapper with a solid grasp on irony.

2. Someone felt the need to provide commentary on the rising child obesity epidemic in Dallas but was not particularly articulate and valued brevity.

3. Your momma's so fat she signed my van with the only nickname she's ever known.

Iris and I had a good long chat outside a Houston, Texas McDonald's before I handed her my business card. Twenty minutes later, she called my cell phone to offer me a shower at her place. I like to think this has more to do with the kindness of strangers than it has to do with my hygiene.





A friend from college who lives in Houston invited me to bad movie night at a local cafe, where we watched Nightbreed with his friend and girlfriend. This was written in homage to just one of dozens of corny action lines that made me nostalgic for Humphrey Bogart. How Nightbreed got shut out of the 1990 Oscars, I'll never know.

This describes yet another blog that has yet to be written. SPOILER ALERT: "Defacating cows on kids' heads" is not a metaphor.

And so that ends another edition of Sharpie Wisdom. Hopefully, you're a little more enlightened than you were when you woke up this morning. If not, quit watching that "Rock of Love Bus" marathon and pick up a good book, damnit.

As always,